My skin prickles as specks of saliva hit my cheek and spray down my exposed arm. I try not to breathe, and search desperately for an exit. It’s peak hour, and the train carriage is full to capacity. I see a gap and make for it. I politely excuse myself as I weave through the throng of standing passengers. “Aa-aa-achoo!” The back of my neck is splattered by another commuter. Hello cold and flu season.
That season has arrived, the one where we become typical “Aussie bogans”, the very stereotype we want to shed, don’t we? I’m not surprised it clings to us though, just like the cold and flu season does. Because every year we seem to lose our general civilities and etiquette.
In London, you can travel on the tube with relatively low risk of being sprayed in the face with someone else’s germs. In Paris, you can queue up at the best local patisserie without fear of someone using the back of your head as a tissue. Both cities known for their elegance and style, a stereotype they pride themselves on and put into practice.
So your head aches and your throat feels like it has daggers twisting around inside, when this happens how do we stay classy?
Stay in bed
The foolproof way of recovering from the flu: bed rest and plenty of fluids. Load yourself up with a season of your favourite TV show, pick up a book and fill up on vitamin C, ginger and echinacea. You’ll be surprised at how quickly you will recover and get back out there.
Cover your mouth
If you have to venture out, please don’t use other people as your personal brand of tissues. I would like to emphasise that coughing on people, furniture and food are not methods of containing your germs. Show some class.
Contain your coughs and sneezes in a tissue and then dispose of said tissue. If you can’t manage the rule, why not try the nook of your elbow, your forearm or as a last resort, try your shoulder.
Surprise coughs aren’t a thing
The “surprise” cough – the amount of times I have heard this statement boggles me. If you think anyone will believe that you had no way of expecting a cough or sneeze when you’re deathly ill with the flu, you’re kidding yourself.
Visit your GP
You’ve made the wise decision to take a sick day for a speedy recovery, so you need a doctor’s certificate. While you’re at your GP’s office, catch up on some reading – and no, I don’t mean the out of date magazines – check out the cold and flu posters, they’ll depict the latest methods of effective germ containment. Read it, memorise it, get your doctor’s certificate and put the poster into practice.
Your boss wants you in bed
For those who refuse to take a sick day because “your boss won’t forgive you” or “I just have so much work to do” your boss would prefer you didn’t come in and infect them and everyone else!
Going to work sick will not help you get that promotion or raise – it only shows you don’t know how to look after yourself.
This goes for bosses too: stay in bed, keep your staff healthy and productive!
If you really have to be proactive…
For those of you who still insist on plaguing the earth coughing and spluttering with no desire to discipline yourself in the public realm – wear a hygiene mask. I know you’re thinking there’s no way you’d be seen dead in one of those. But trust me, it’s a million times more attractive than your wide gaping mouth as you cough and splutter specks of saliva all over the place.
If we, as a city, practise these small things this flu season, we will be well on our way to shedding that typical Aussie bogan stereotype.
So let’s stay in bed and be classy Sydney.